Are you an Exploder? If yes, Do you shame or blame? If no, then you must be a Stuffer, which I will talk about in another blog. For now, I will be going in depth with being an Exploder.
Being an Exploder isn’t all that bad, but it is not completely good either. At least we bring honesty to the table. Yes, I said we. I myself explode and it’s only with close family and it is actually very rare. I hardly ever explode and when I do I, it feels like a foreign feeling to me, as if my rational side took a back seat and my rage consumed me. Very bad indeed. Lysa states, ‘Raw Emotions won’t sit quietly awaiting further instructions. They’ll move- outward if we explode and inward if we stuff,'(Unglued, 60)
Lysa knew what would happen and she sure knows how to solve it. Say goodbye’s to those days where exploding sends you running and cowering or other doing so. Lets go on, shall we.
The Exploder Who Shames Herself
Does your soul warn you right before you get into that horrible mood where you feel like the first person you see will end up hearing you roar?
Well Lysa does, so do I and if you know Jesus for yourself you do to. ‘My soul warned me: Do not check in with the screaming demands of the world before you exchange whispers with God.'(Unglued, 62) This it self speaks volumes. Have you ever felt calm and elated after having a nice talk with God? Those are the times I live for to know that God would rather have me calm knowing the battle is already won than falling into Satan’s trap.
But what happens when we forget to share whispers with God and a situation catches us off guard? Exactly it turns out to be one of those days and you don’t want any kind of disturbances or disruptions. You’re probably thinking like Lysa, who her self was in a twit mood. To the person who had put her in such a place was about to get the very worse of her as do the people who do with us. But on that day she took a second to envision how that would effect the other person, and you know what? She didn’t go through with it. No matter how bad Satan was howling down her back to do it, she didn’t.
Instead she thought deeply and decide it was better to, ‘Sip the shame so you won’t have to guzzle it.’ (Unglued, 63). Though she also said it took a lot more processing to clear the hurt. ‘The last thing we want to do is to trade our unhealthy exploding to unhealthy stuffing.'(Unglued, 64).
So the balance she notes between the two is ‘Soul Integrity where honesty is godly.’ Now how exactly do we find soul integrity in God’s perspective? Well there are so many ways to do this but when in doubt got to the Bible. I know the last thing anyone wants to do is soak in God’s word but it really is helpful. Maybe find a quiet place first and soak in the goodness of the word later.
A scripture that can help would be 1 Peter 5:8, ‘Be self controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour’. This one is a good one to remember. The fact that it states Satan wants to devour me is one of the good ways to keep my temper in it’s place and defeat the devil.
Ephesians 6:12 states the same thing. Our problems aren’t against each other (humans), it’s against the evil in high places and heavenly realms- Satan and demon powers. I love that Lysa states, ‘When we dump hurt into one another lives, we aren’t leveling the conflict. We are just weighing down the people side of the scale an elevating the Satan side of the scale.’ (Unglued, 64).
Lysa talks about us leveling the plane so we win every single battle that comes up against us. Here is the first answer to solving our Exploding ways. ‘The secret to healthy conflict resolution isn’t taking a you-against-me stance, but realizing it’s all of us against Satan- he’s the real enemy.'(Unglued, 64-65)
Using this method we can shame Satan back to hell as Lysa put it. In Ephesians 6:19 Paul ends with asking for prayer for with-holding his tongue whenever he speaks so that the word will come out and not his own feelings. ‘After all, it’s one thing to make the mental shift that this person isn’t my enemy, but quite another to speak words that make known the mystery of the gospel.’ (Unglued,65)
There are times when we want God to waver the rules for us. Like Lysa was thinking. Most of the time we can hold our tongue and make known the gospel but when some one decides to screw with you and your day, let them have it. But the scripture doesn’t say most of the time it says ‘I must make known the gospel whenever I open my mouth.'(Unglued, 66)
Here is answer number two: Craft a response that doesn’t give you nor the other person the upper hand, just be simple and caring as much as you can when in a rut. Lysa puts down 3 simple steps you can follow. H.G.C! Honor.Grace.Compassion.
1. Begin to Honor the one offended.
2. Keep your response short and full of Grace.
3.End by extending Compassion.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. How in the world can I do that in the heat of the moment? You can’t. Take a few minutes to Sip he shame so you won’t have to guzzle the regret. Then you can go in a craft you response template.
1. I noticed with my self and others that when there is a problem in the midst most people don’t feel honored or would at least like to know that they aren’t completely wrong for stating the truth harshly or stuffing peacefully. Honor them for being truthful or for keeping the peace.
2. Keeping the response short gives way to the truth and nips the tongue before we let it defile the situation.
3.Ending on a good note like ‘Thank you for being honest.’ Or ‘Bless you for not hiding your true feelings.’ is a good way to keep it at an honest yet simple level.
And remember for those exploders out there: ‘Choosing a gentle reply doesn’t mean you’re weak, it actually means you posses a rare and godly strength.’ (Unglued, 69)
The Exploder Who Blames Others
For those of us who blame others we should always remember: ‘Feelings are indicators, not dictators.’ (Unglued,72)
Self-Control is a plus, something that should come easily when we share whispers with God first and not shouting demands with the world. Having a choice is the first step to knowing that you aren’t always unglued- so take that no-choice label and trash it. ‘The one who holds the tongue is the one who holds the power.’ (Unglued, 72) This is true. If you can keep your patience in the midst of the storm think of the outcome. Think of the reward God will give you for sticking through it till the end and choosing to look toward him in the heat of it all.
Now Lysa wrote this but I will change it around to fit us: When we are void of power, we are void of self control. That feeling of shame after you have gave in to Satan. Yup, that feeling. The regret and the shame never go uncounted for and Satan will keep reminding us until we cave, but God is never faraway. This is when God lightly place us back on our feet and zaps us with his almighty power to counter those feelings that’s overtaking us to handle these very ‘twit’ situations.
Lysa refers to Isaiah 55:10-11 “For as the rain comes down, and the snow from heaven,And do not return there, But water the earth, And make it bring forth and bud,That it may give seed to the sower And bread to the eater, So shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; It shall not return to Me void, But it shall accomplish what I please, And it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it.”
She explains that God’s Word will not turn back void. It will accomplish good things, powerful things, and things that will help us develop self control. I couldn’t find a more better way than this to access God’s power. So when under that twit of a mood, Lysa says she is going to recite a verse that fits these feelings out loud or in her mind. Sounds pretty right on track to me.
She chose this one, and I love how she stated it. 1 Peter 5:6-8,
In this moment I’m choosing to be self controlled and alert. Your actions are begging me to yell and loose control. But I realize I have an enemy, and that enemy is not you. The devil is prowling and roaring and looking to devour me thorough mt own lack of control right now.But I am God[‘s girl. That’s right, I am. I am going to humbly and quietly let God have His way in me. And when I do, God will lift me up and my frayed nerves from this situation and fill me with much better reaction than what I can give you at the moment. Give me just a few minutes and then we’ll talk calmly about this.
This is the most amazing thing she summed up so far. As I keep reading I am starting to see the full glory of God working through Lysa as she relates every chapter. Thank goodness she doesn’t stop there. Holy Restraint. ‘Without divine communication people cast off restraint.’ (Unglued, 75) ‘Why Divine Communication? Because we need God to help us hold back the explosions. Hold back the blaming. And hold back the shaming. Proverbs 29:18- ‘Where there is no revelation, people cast off restraint”-is such a good reminder that only revelation or the truth of God’s Word can help restrain us the right way.’ (Unglued,74)
I want to start a challenge. As Lysa writes that infusing our hearts with holy restraint so we don’t spew in the present tense, I want to dare you to take the challenge of holding back because God cares for each ear and worries for each of our sanity. Believe it or not God wants us to be peacefully and stay that way, Loving one another.
*Helpful Hint: Self-Control is a fruit of the Holy Spirit. It’s the external expression of our relationship with God. Holy Restraint is the seed of this fruit. It’s the internal experience of living with Christ and really applying His truths to my life.*
Spending time with God develops this relationship that can never be broken nor lost. God made it that way so when we fall short or stray there is always a way to draw us back. This relationship is needed so that we can live peacefully with each other knowing that our common interest is because of the one who gave us his mercy and grace.
Finding the quiet is a good way to diffuse those raw emotions. This is imperfect progress remember. It takes time to fully work out the crinkles and to let God show us the real person beneath all of Satan’s horrible labels.
1. In the quiet, we feel safe enough to humble ourselves.
2. In the quiet, God lifts us up to a more rational place.
3. In the quiet, anxiety gives way to progress.
4. In the quiet, we acknowledge that our real enemy isn’t the other person.
5. In the quiet, I can rest assured God will use this conflict for good-no matter how it turns out.
So, another challenge. Take these five notes and apply them liberally and truthfully. I want you and myself to grow stronger in Gods Word, Will, and Love so we may see each other for eternity in the best place made for us.
Hope this was interesting. It took me three hours to write this and yet I feel I am still not finish, I can honestly tell you that if you don’t have this book yet, get it, The OBS at melissataylor.org is an amazing way to study this and no matter how late you are you can still make it.
P.S Blog Hop Thursday!